“I Became an ATM Machine: A Nigerian Man Speaks on the Hidden Struggles of Marriage”

By L. Imafidon | Stone Reporter News

When Samuel Adeyemi got married in 2012, he believed he was entering a partnership built on love, respect, and shared dreams. Thirteen years later, he describes his marriage as a life that slowly turned him into what he bitterly calls “an ATM machine with emotions disabled.”

Seated in a quiet café in Ikeja, Lagos, Samuel speaks with a mixture of pain and calm acceptance. “At first, everything was perfect,” he says, his voice low but steady. “We were in love. We struggled together. I did everything I could to make her happy. I believed marriage was about sacrifice and building together. But somewhere along the line, I stopped being a husband. I became a wallet that walked and talked.”

He recounts how it began innocently. His wife lost her job shortly after their first child was born, and Samuel took on the full financial burden. “I didn’t mind,” he says. “That’s what men are supposed to do. I worked extra hours, picked up side jobs, and even borrowed to keep the family afloat. But as time passed, I noticed she stopped seeing my efforts as love — it became my duty, my only value.”

According to him, every conversation soon revolved around money — school fees, food, rent, clothes, even her relatives’ needs. “I would come home tired and broke, and instead of comfort, I got accusations,” he recalls. “If I didn’t provide immediately, she would say I wasn’t man enough. It didn’t matter that I was already giving everything. My worth as a husband became equal to my account balance.”

Experts say Samuel’s story reflects a growing reality among Nigerian men who silently endure emotional neglect in marriages. Dr. Femi Aluko, a sociologist at Obafemi Awolowo University, explains, “In many Nigerian homes, men are socialized to see themselves as providers, not partners. This creates emotional distance and pressure. When financial roles dominate the marriage, affection and mutual support fade.”

Samuel nods as he listens to this observation. “That’s exactly what happened to me,” he says. “The more I gave, the less she respected me. If I ever mentioned how I felt, she would say, ‘Are you not the man? That’s your responsibility.’ So, I stopped talking. I buried myself in work and pretended everything was fine.”

His silence, however, had consequences. The emotional gap widened until communication broke down completely. “We became strangers living under the same roof,” he says. “Even intimacy became a transaction. If I gave her money, she was happy. If I didn’t, there was no peace in the house. At some point, I started asking myself, ‘Is this what marriage really means?’”

Samuel’s marriage eventually collapsed in 2023 after a heated argument over finances. He says the breakup was painful but liberating. “I cried the day she left, not because I missed her, but because I finally realized I had been living for someone else’s expectations. I was never loved for who I was, only for what I could give.”

Psychologist and marriage counselor, Dr. Grace Ogundipe, says many men in Nigeria face similar experiences but rarely speak out. “Society teaches men to suppress their pain,” she explains. “They endure toxic relationships quietly because they fear judgment or mockery. But men are humans too — they need appreciation, emotional support, and companionship, not just financial responsibility.”

Today, Samuel lives alone and is slowly rebuilding his life. He says he has learned to set boundaries and to value himself beyond material contributions. “If I ever remarry,” he says with a faint smile, “it will be with someone who sees me as a partner, not a paycheck. Love should be shared, not bought.”

As he stands to leave, his final words linger. “They say men don’t cry,” he says softly, “but maybe if more of us did, marriages would be more honest.”

The story of Samuel is one among many untold experiences that reveal a silent truth about modern Nigerian marriages. While women continue to demand equality and fairness, men too are struggling under the invisible weight of expectations — expected to provide endlessly, even when they themselves are breaking inside.

Until society begins to see marriage as a shared emotional and financial journey, not a one-sided contract of duty, the cycle of pain will continue — turning more men, like Samuel, into silent providers instead of loving partners.

📩 Stone Reporter News