Reported by: Oahimire Omone Precious | Edited by: Oravbiere Osayomore Promise.
In Nigeria, as divorce becomes increasingly common across communities, voices from older generations are drawing attention to cultural, social and personal factors that many believe are driving marital breakdowns. One such voice is 84‑year‑old Mrs Abigail Fafowora, a former teacher and businesswoman who has been married to her husband for 53 years. Her reflections on marriage, patience and the shifting landscape of relationships offer a rare long‑term perspective on the rising divorce trend in the country.
In a wide‑ranging interview, Mrs Fafowora spoke candidly about her life, the development of her marriage and what she believes has contributed to the uptick in marital dissolutions. At 84, she described every day as a gift and said she wakes up with gratitude for her health, family and more than five decades of shared life with her husband, whom she met and married in the early years of her adulthood. Growing up in southern Nigeria, she recalled family life, schooling and the values instilled in her that she believes laid a foundation for lifelong commitment.
Mrs Fafowora’s own marriage emerged from a traditional context where long‑term bonds and close family involvement were common. She traced her beginnings from Ijebu Ijesha to her schooling in Saki and eventually to her life as a wife and mother. Over the years, she has watched societal norms evolve and has seen more couples opt to separate when conflicts arise. She said, “Marriage is not just about love and romance. It is about weathering life together, especially when circumstances are tough, and that requires patience and understanding.”
Her commentary comes amid broader concern among religious leaders, sociologists and family counsellors about rising divorce rates in Nigeria. Although comprehensive nationwide divorce data remains limited, sociological research indicates that divorce among married women has climbed significantly over recent decades, from about 17 percent in 2008 to more than 60 percent by 2018 according to pooled national surveys. Household and socioeconomic factors such as education, wealth status, employment and exposure to violence were found to be among key determinants of divorce or separation.
These trends have not gone unnoticed by clergy and community leaders. Some religious figures have publicly raised alarms about the increasing frequency of divorce and urged couples to lean into communication and endurance rather than rushing to dissolve unions at the first sign of difficulty. They emphasise that misunderstandings and disagreements are normal in marriage and that resolving them demands dialogue, empathy and sometimes compromise.
Marriage counsellors and social commentators point out that impatience in relationships often manifests when partners expect immediate gratification, quick fixes or easy solutions during conflict. In an age of rapid information and social media influences, unrealistic expectations about relationships can deepen dissatisfaction, especially when couples compare their marriages with idealised stories or images online. Differences in coping styles, financial stress, shifting gender roles, and communication breakdowns have all been cited as recurring patterns in relationships that end in divorce.
Economic pressures compound these challenges. Many Nigerian households face rising costs, job instability and financial insecurity, all of which can amplify tensions within families. Disagreements over money, household responsibilities or differing financial priorities are common stressors. In some cases, extended periods of unemployment or economic hardship place additional strain on marital bonds, leading couples to re‑evaluate their relationships. In Nigeria, where formal support systems for families may be limited, these pressures can accelerate decisions to seek divorce.
Cultural changes have also reshaped how marriage is viewed. In earlier generations, extended family networks often played a significant role in supporting couples, mediating disputes and fostering enduring bonds. Today, increasing urban migration, individualism and the emphasis on nuclear family autonomy have weakened some traditional support structures. This shift means couples may face challenges more privately, without the stabilising influence of broader family involvement.
Mrs Fafowora’s tale of a long‑lasting marriage stands in contrast to these modern trends. Her emphasis on patience, mutual respect and shared values speaks to the resilience she believes is necessary for sustaining marital partnerships. She urges young couples to invest time in understanding one another, build strong communication patterns and seek counselling or guidance early when problems arise, rather than allowing impatience to dictate decisions.
Her reflections resonate with broader research and social commentary about why marriages end. Studies have linked higher divorce experiences among women to factors such as household socioeconomic status, exposure to violence and resource constraints. They also suggest that educated women in middle‑income and wealthier households may have higher incidences of divorce, possibly due to greater economic independence or different expectations in relationships.
Religious leaders and community voices emphasise that while divorce may be necessary in situations involving abuse, neglect or irreconcilable conflict, premature dissolution of marriages over minor disagreements may reflect societal impatience and a lack of structured support for couples. They advocate for strengthening premarital and marital counselling, fostering open communication, and re‑integrating community‑based support systems to help couples navigate the complexities of marriage.
As Nigeria continues to grapple with changing family dynamics, conversations about marriage, divorce and relationship resilience grow in urgency. Voices like Mrs Fafowora’s underscore a timeless lesson about the value of patience, perseverance and partnership — even as contemporary pressures challenge long‑held notions of marital stability.
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