How I Stopped Going to Church After Discovering My Wife’s Affair with Our Pastor

Published on 19 October 2025 at 19:43

By L. Imafidon, Stone Reporter News

For John (38, name changed), Sundays used to be the highlight of his week. The church was more than a place of worship—it was where he felt connected to God, and where he believed his marriage was grounded in faith. But all of that came crashing down one evening, when he stumbled on messages that would change his life forever.

“I found texts on my wife’s phone,” John recalls, voice trembling. “Messages from our pastor… intimate, sexual. At first, I couldn’t believe it. I kept thinking, ‘This can’t be real.’ But it was.”

The discovery left him devastated, not just emotionally but spiritually. “I felt like my whole world had collapsed. How could the person I trusted with my spiritual life betray me like this? How could someone preaching about holiness be living a lie?” he asked.

John says he confronted his wife, hoping for honesty or some explanation. She admitted the affair but tried to frame it as an emotional connection that “got out of hand.” Attempts to address the pastor’s involvement were even more painful. “He denied everything and kept preaching as if nothing happened. That was the moment I realized it wasn’t just betrayal—it was hypocrisy,” John said.

Since that day, John has not returned to the church. Walking into the sanctuary now feels unbearable. “It’s not just about missing services,” he explains. “It’s about the place where trust was broken, where my faith felt manipulated. I had to step back to heal, both spiritually and emotionally.”

Psychologists say John’s experience, though extreme, is not unique. Dr. Helen Agbo, a Lagos-based counselor, told Stone Reporter News: “Betrayal by someone in a spiritual leadership position can cause deep trauma. It shakes not only personal relationships but also one’s core beliefs. Healing often requires rebuilding faith on one’s own terms, and sometimes professional guidance.”

John is slowly finding a new path. He prays, meditates, and studies scripture privately. “Faith is personal,” he says. “It’s about your relationship with God, not blind trust in leaders. I’m learning to rebuild, day by day.”

He hopes his story serves as a warning for others. “Trust is sacred, in marriage and in faith,” he said. “Don’t ignore red flags. Don’t let blind loyalty cost you your peace. Healing is possible, but it starts with putting yourself first.”


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The name of the individual in this story has been changed to protect their privacy and maintain confidentiality, while ensuring the account of events is shared accurately.

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